Having difficult conversations about death and dying

Talking about wills, legals affairs and funeral wishes with someone who is dying can be difficult for everyone. But if having things arranged and in place is important to them and to you, it's worth having these hard conversations now. Knowing what their wishes were and what they want to happen when they die could make things easier, when that time comes.

There are people that can support you with these conversations. It could be a medical professional, a Macmillan nurse, someone from a local hospice, a friend you trust or a bereavement counsellor.

You might have to try a few times before the people around you understand this is something you want to talk about. They might need to take breaks from the conversation and that it's okay if you need to take some time too.

Our funeral arrangers are also trained to listen and support you and your family in making arrangements even before someone has died.

Find your local funeral home.

Their funeral wishes

Funerals can be unique to your loved one, traditional, religious or filled with personal touches. It can be small or large or a combination of all these things. Some people choose a direct cremation, which takes place without a service or burial and means family and friends can come together in their own way to remember them.

If they’re not sure what they want you can talk to a funeral arranger in one of our funeral homes who will talk through everything. Or you could take ideas and inspiration from some more personal funerals people have held.

If a funeral plan isn’t appropriate, it is possible for you to begin planning someone's funeral if they are close to the end of their life. You can do this with one of our funeral arrangers in a funeral home or over the phone.

If they want to tell you about their funeral wishes, here are some things you could talk about:

• if they want a funeral service or not
• music that matters to them
• readings or poems they like
• who they want to speak at the funeral
• who they want to hold the service
• where they want the service to be
• any dress code for the funeral
• where people should go afterwards
• whether they want to be buried or cremated
• what to do with their ashes

Writing a will

Having an up-to-date will means you’ll know what they want to happen with their property, money and possessions when they die.

If they don't have one but you know they would like to arrange a will Co-op Legal Services could help. Getting a will can sometimes be more straight forward than you think. The peace-of-mind it can give someone knowing things are in order can also be quite valuable.

A will can also include Guardian arrangements for children as well personal wishes about things they'd like to leave to people, such as paintings, books, jewellery. Even who should look after any pets.

Co-op Legal Services is authorised and regulated by the Solicitors Regulation Authority (SRA). So you can have peace of mind that your will is written in a way that is recognised by the law.

Lasting power of attorney

If you think the person who is dying needs to appoint someone to make decisions about their health or legal position if they become unable to, they'll need a Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA). The government has advice on how to arrange and LPA. This is also something Co-op Legal Services could help with. It can take up to 14 weeks for an LPA to be in place.

Setting money aside for the funeral

If you want to know how much the funeral might cost, our funeral cost calculator can give you an estimate and idea about the price and what’s included. If they have savings set aside for the funeral, make sure you know how to access it when you need to.

If you're worried about the cost, speak to a funeral director about less expensive options. You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a meaningful funeral.

Probate

If they own a property in sole own name or have more than £20,000 in the bank, it's likely probate will be needed. This is the legal process of looking after all their property, money and possessions after they die.

There’s more advice on probate on the government website and Co-op Legal Services' guide to probate. When you arrange a funeral with us, we can help you understand if you need probate. If you do, Co-op Legal Services can provide you with a fixed fee quote for carrying out this work.

Important information and paperwork

There can be a lot to do when someone dies. Closing bank accounts, insurance policies and letting government departments know that someone has died.

If it’s appropriate, you could encourage them to make sure useful documents, passwords or paperwork are in one place and let someone know where to find it.

This could be:

1. bank accounts
2. insurance policy documents
3. pensions

Co-op Legal Services have information and advice on other things you might need to consider.

Organ donation

If it’s appropriate they could consider registering for organ donation.

Social media accounts and digital legacy

Most of us have digital accounts, social media, emails, online subscriptions they might want taken care of. The best way to understand what they want to happen with these accounts is to talk to them ask what they'd like to happen. You can find out more about how to deal with a digital legacy.